Universal Special Rules and Lazy Game Design

So I got to spend some extended time with the Dark Eldar Codex, and I have to say it's pretty great.  If I didn't already have a second army I'd seriously consider starting them up.  They are fast, good at shooting and nasty in close combat.  All things I like.  And I like the challenge of them not being tough to heavily armored, that intrigues me.

Now that I have the praise out of the way, it's time to go into classic Internet Peanut Gallery Complaint Mode.  My beef (because we're beefing, east coast/west coast style) is that the codex rules are incredibly lazy.  The best thing GW could come up to bring them to 5th Edition power levels was Feel No Pain?  Seriously?  Didn't you just release a codex whose main gimmick is Feel No Pain? 

In retrospect, this stunning lack of innovation makes the Blood Angels codex look really slapdash.  Before the DE Codex, you had the feeling that the GW designers were breaking new ground with the Blood Angels.  Now with the DE also being a Feel No Pain based army I have totally changed the way I look at their game design methods.  I now picture 3 guys sitting around going, "OK so we gave the BA faster vehicles and Assault Squads as troops, but they already had  that.  what can we do to make them competitive?"  To which another person replies, "let's slap a Universal Special Rule on them."  "We just used Counter-charge, and if we give them Furious Charge they will be Khorne Berserkers with jump packs."  "How about Feel No Pain?"  "Win!"

Then during the Dark Eldar planning session, "We already gave their transports an invulnerable save, and their weapon loadouts make the troops versatile, but they still aren't good.  How about... a Universal Special Rule?"  "Which one?"  "Furious Charge doesn't fit their fluff, but every other word in the codex is 'pain' so how about Feel No Pain?"  "Win!"

Based on this game design method, let me guess how the Black Templar codex will be designed....  An elite choice 1-3 Chaplain that grants a Furious Charge and Preferred Enemy bubble.  That was easy.  Just slap two USRs on them in a way that's optional and tactical so they don't cost any more points unless you want the USRs and you're all set.  Oh let's add something to sell LRCs, how about a 10 point Blessed Hull upgrade that makes them immune to Lance and Melta weapon effects.  Why don't they hire me?  That was easy as fuck.  It was so easy I want to do it again.

New Eldar Codex.  All Aspect Units will be getting a USR if you buy an Exarch.  Scorpions already have infiltrate, but how about an Exarch that grants them Feel No Pain?  Now they are the anti-horde infantry they are supposed to be.  All Banshees get Poisoned Attacks 3+.  Suddenly they are the elite infantry killers they are supposed to be.  Shining Spears get a 4+ invulnerable Dodge save against shooting and Hit and Run.  Dire Avengers get Stubborn.  Dark Reapers have Relentless and the ability to fire Str 8 AP4 missile or their normal str 5 ap3 shots in multiples.  Fire Dragons get Tank Hunters, duh. 

Dark Angels codex.  Terminators and Bikes can be taken as troops without a special HQ.  Army-wide Stubborn.  Bikes get Skilled Rider or whatever the one is that lets you go through terrain without dangerous terrain tests.  Terminators get non-scattering Deep Strikes and Preferred Enemy if you take.  Just to make them interesting you can still mix and match equipment between shooty and close combaty.

Who wants to bet that Grey Knights get some kind of True Grit back even if it isn't technically a special rule anymore?  It wouldn't shock me at all if they get Preferred Enemy either. 

So lazy.

Creatures, Weirdos, Freaks, and Minions

If you've ever attended a large Warhammer 40,000 or Warhammer Fantasy Battles tournament most of this will be old news to you, but if you're thinking of getting your toes wet in the acne grease mire of competitive gaming you will need this field guide to help you navigate amongst the herds of unwashed virgins you'll encounter.  I'll give you some of the major subspecies of players you'll encounter with examples of their behavior, appearance, strengths, and weaknesses.

_________________________________________________________________

1.  Bald Guy With Ponytail

Appearance:  The bald guy with ponytail comes in two flavors, skinny and fat.  The skinny version invariably thinks he is cool (he is wrong, hence the ponytail) and his style is stuck in the late 80's early 90's when he was 11.  This is because that is the last time period that he could make an argument for being cool in.  They say a mullet is business in the front and party in the back, thus the balding ponytail is the future in the front and a misremembered past in the back.  The fat version makes no pretense about being cool.  He is admittedly a nerd and almost certainly anti-social.  The fat version maintains the ponytail because he doesn't want to cut his hair for money saving reasons.

Employment:  The skinny ponytail guy works at Best Buy or Target.  There is an off chance he works at someplace unexpected like Bed Bath and Beyond.  The fat ponytail guy is either on SSI, or works a grueling desk job that won't interrupt his Mountain Dew habit, like data entry or collections.

Behavior:  The skinny ponytail will generally be jovial, the fat ponytail can be either nice or not, but there will be a noticeable lack of social grace.  Something will just be off.  Skinny ponytail will shake your hand before the match starts, fat ponytail won't and you won't want to so it's not a huge deal.  Most likely to yell "WAAAAGH!" in a crowded room.

Playstyle:  Both of these guys take the game very seriously.  Skinny ponytail is likely to be into fluff/painting while fat ponytail is likely to be into competitive/painting.  The common denominator is painting, they both like it.  These are players that you can generally get along with if you don't take them outside of their comfort zone.  Even if you beat the skinny guy, so long as you stay jovial and talk about fluff he will stay happy.  Fat ponytail will get upset when he starts losing, or if your painting is better than his, but if you say, "I heard there is a Five Guys Burgers nearby" and shift the conversation to fast food you may keep him on your good side.

Common Accessories:  Chain wallet.  Off-brand smart phone.  Mountain Dew.  Cheap watch. 1998 Honda CRX with visible rusting.

Quote:  "I painted this unit of Imperial Guard to reflect the background of the last Gaunt's Ghosts novel.  You can see how the basing really... hey, do you listen to metal?"

_________________________________________________________________

2.  Guy in the Dragon Shirt

Appearance:  The guy in the dragon shirt can be any size or shape, or have any kind of hair, but one thing stays constant: the ubiquitous dragon shirt.  This is the shirt of the archnerd.  This shirt says, "I don't give a damn about fashion, or girls, or food other than Taco Bell, this is me."  Oddly, while they spend a ton of time picking out shirts, they usually have awful shoes.  I guess they only have so much energy to devote to attire and they spend it all on shirts.

Employment:  The guy with the dragon shirt is never unemployed.  Despite the complete lack of fashion sense and good taste, those shirts are not cheap.  Guys with metallic embossed dragonshirts always have decent jobs by the standard of their age group.  A teenage dragon shirter will be a cook at an old folks home making $11 an hour, which is good for teenagers.  An adult dragon shirter will be in middle management at a corporate job, or have some kind of web based business where he can wear flip flops and dragon shirts every day.

Behavior:  The dragon shirted guy will almost always be outgoing and happy.  It will be rare for someone to wear a bold shirt like that and be an introvert.  Also, guys with dragon shirts spend a lot of money at the LGS.  They believe they are friends (and sometimes they are) with the LGS owner and the TOs.  Guys with dragon shirts will talk to people at other tables in the middle of your games.

Play Style:  Fairly wide open.  They don't fit into a WAAC or carebear mold.  It comes down to mathematical ability; if the guy is really good at math he is likely to be more competitive.  Still, these guys play for fun.  When you attend a large tournament, these guys will be very common.  They have large disposable incomes to spend on minis and tournament attendance, so they will be there in decent number always.  It's rarely possible to predict whether the guy will be a dickhead or cool based on looks alone in this group.

Common Accessories: Droid phone.  Fossil watch.  Monster energy drink.

Quote: "Last night we got a little crazy, we had chick fil a for dinner, drank some Monster and Vodkas, and then watched the entire Matrix Trilogy in one sitting.  No, there weren't any girls there."

________________________________________________________________

3.  Angry Younger Guy

Appearance:  Angry Younger guys typically dress in a t-shirt or sports jersey and jeans.  They ALWAYS have short hair.  Facial hair is optional.  They are mesomorphs, but they rarely work out.  They are naturally bulky, so they think they are tough guys, but since they don't work out they are softer than they look.  In the summer months they switch the jeans out for cargo shorts with a lot of pockets.

Employment:  Angry younger guys are either self-employed or work for a small business, or they work for the government in some capacity.  If they work for the former, they will complain about the "lack of hours" hurting their income, but paradoxically they will always claim to work way harder than everyone else.  If they work a government job they will claim to have not risen above minion level due to some form of reverse discrimination.  Regardless of where they work, they are always hurting financially, and it is never their fault.

Behavior:  these guys are always dicks.  They are aggressive, cocky, and confrontational.  They possess an undeserved swagger usually reserved for people who have something good going on in their lives, which they do not.  When they win, they gloat.  When they lose, they seethe.  Bad winners and sore losers.  These are the guys most apt to throw their painted Hive Tyrant at the wall (true story) when it fails to kill as much as the Angry Guy thinks it should in a combat phase.

Playstyle:  Almost always competitive.  Except, they prefer to be seal clubbers.  They don't want a challenge of competitive games, they just want to stomp face and gloat about it.  They are the definition of WAAC douchebags.  They aren't even always good players, usually they are power-gamers without the power.   You can beat them mentally by having a strong first few turns.  If you jump out to a lead they will mentally give up, start being sore losers, and you've got it.

CommonAccessories: Very few actually.  These guys are minimalists.  They do tend to drive SUVs or pick ups, though.

Quote:  "My Tyranids have never lost to Space Marines.  I'm going to max battle point this game, faggot."  20 minutes later.  "I should have won, I'm clearly better than you, luckily you had TH/SS terminators that my shitty codex couldn't deal with."

_______________________________________________________________
4.  The Cool Nerd

Appearance:  In every group of beta males, there is one who is the alpha.  Now in normal society, this guy would be a beta male.  But when submersed in the beta fishtank of a bunch of gaming dorks, this guy becomes the dominant.  They are usually trendy, bordering on hip.  But there is always something slight off that keeps them from being actual hipsters.  It's not so much that they dress differently than a real hipster, it's that they know they are imitating one, and they are less than comfortable in their own skin.  They wear vintage t-shirts, jeans, and usually purposefully unkempt hair or facial hair.

Employment:  Either a student, or a job they can disassociate themselves from like telemarketer.  They are always underemployed, and never have much money.

Behavior:  Passive and unfocused, but surprisingly assertive when he starts losing  He always appears distracted by something.  More on that later.  But really, he does multi-task incessantly, almost to an annoying degree.  It often seems like he forgets that it is a tournament with timed rounds.

Playstyle:  Again, he plays apathetically and in a somewhat disinterested manner, until the heat turns up, and then he buckles down and focuses.  He is more likely to be a competitive player by virtue of natural play skills, rather than a competitive mindset.  He will typically be the guy who you think you are having a friendly, somewhat casual tournament game until you start winning and then it becomes, "actually, I believe you moved that guy two millimeters too far in the movement phase.  I don't mean to be a jerk but if you get the charge off because of it, that will affect the game."

Common Accessories:  Here is what separates the Cool Nerd from the Uncool Nerds.  He almost invariably brings his girlfriend with him.  She isn't necessarily (or usually) attractive, but her mere presence is a distraction to him, and to some of the other players.  Other accessories: iPhone, digital camera, hooded sweatshirt even in the summer.

Quote: Heard while he takes a phone call in the middle of the game, "yeah man, we are going to grab some PBRs before the Motion City Soundtrack show tonight.  No man, don't invite Hilary.  Excuse me, can you hold off on the shooting phase until I finish this call?  As I was saying, we need to get some box wine before the show..."

_________________________________________________________________

5.  The Professional

 

Appearance:  The Professional is a middle to upper middle class, 35-55 year old.  He wears polo shirts tucked into his belted, pleated khaki shorts.  He wear boat shoes or some kind of white athletic shoe, or a strapped sandal.  He is usually clean, and has short hair.  He drives a 4 door sedan, and wears a bluetooth headset, yet the only person who calls him is his wife.

Employment:  He isn't necessarily a professional like a doctor or lawyer, but he is usually gainfully employed in a management position.  He has a large disposable income, but since he is usually savvy about money, he still manages to spend less than others on his collection.  He is the type of guy who buys online for a steal, and then brings his stuff to the LGS and doesn't get it when the owner wants to reserve the tables for paying customers.

Behavior:  This guy's behavior varies a great deal.  Either he is a people person and will treat you pleasantly, or he is somewhat introverted and will treat you arrogantly.  Most of  The Professionals I've encountered aren't usually jerks and they don't brag about being well off, though.

Playstyle:  They are usually smart, but usually rusty.  A 9-5 job and a marriage with kids results in them playing maybe 1 game a week, and not devoting countless hours to reading blogs for cutting edge strategy.  Also, their jobs are usually somewhat stressful so they don't usually bring that intensity to the hobby that is supposed to relax them.  That said, they aren't pushovers.  They didn't get to be successful by letting people cheat the rules, or by not understanding the basics.  The same applies to their war gaming.  Their measurements and movements will be precise and they won't screw up on the rules.  If you get matched up with one of the few who have the free time to read blogs and play a bunch, they may not be rusty at all and might give you a good game.

Common Accessories:  Bluetooth earpiece.  Blackberry with belt clip.  Wedding ring.  BMW key fob.  Golf tan.

Quote: "Wow the new Blood Angels codex is neat.  I wish I had played against them before this tournament for practice, but since I had to take my kid to his soccer tournaments this whole month I haven't gotten a single game in."

_________________________________________________________________

6.  The Ex-Military Expert

Appearance:  They wear boots of some kind, usually Doc Martins.  They wear shirts that have the logo of the branch of the military they were in.  They are usually bald, but if they have hair it's short.  There is always some sort of camouflage element to their clothing.  Their army cases are usually military style strong boxes, or they are hard gun cases with foam re-purposed for carrying minis.  They ALWAYS tuck their shirts into their pants, regardless of their weight.

Employment: Ofcourse they are ex-military, but they are currently usually in retail or some lame desk job.  They wrap their whole persona in the military the way ex-high school jocks who never amounted to anything cling to their high school years for the rest of their lives.  Their jobs are usually so lame that it's impossible to predict what it will be.  A lot of these guys change oil for a living which, incidentally, is probably what they did in the Army.

Behavior:  These guys act arrogantly, as simple as that.  They will brag and shit talk, and then lecture you after the game about what you did wrong.

Play style:  These guys are also usually WAAC dickheads, but often enough they can back it up.  They tend to obsess over the minutia of the game and they play very precisely.  Since they live in a fantasy world of their imagined past glories of their service time, they tend not to have very important jobs now, and they can spend their day trolling Imperial Guard forums having arguments with other simple people about the way tanks move in real life.  These will stomp you with every advantage they can get, and then they will lecture you about you did wrong unsolicited.  There is nothing fun when playing these guys because of this secret: these guys don't even enjoy playing.  These guys have no fun themselves while playing, the game starts and they go into a WAAC trance, and don't come out of it until the drive home after the tournament.  They get their fun from trolling forums and blogs, not actually playing the game.  Playing the game is simply a means to validate their opinions when trolling.

Common Accessories:  Shoulder holster.  Concealed carry permit prominently displayed on their wallet.  Nextel phone with two way radio.  Bandanas.  Brown tinted sunglasses.  An Imperial Guard or Ork army.  Laser pointer and cloth ruler.

Quote:  "When I was in the first Gulf War we rode in APCs just like this.  Yeah there were spent uranium shells, but our FGU pretty much kept us TTH.  So then my CO tells me to PPWIA ASAFP to the MFG and I did it, because that was my orders.  OK, now  let's move into my shooting phase."

_____________________________________________________________

I hope you enjoyed this field guide!

Things Someone Else Learned at 'Ard Boyz Finals

I don't normally go to the BoLS forums for cutting edge Fantasy tactics and advice but someone made a post in the "what I learned at 'ard Boyz" thread about his experiences at the Finals, and I wanted to comment on them because they are interesting.  

As an aside, I want to remark about what this says about forums that someone making a single good post is enough to warrant me getting excited about it.

Mynameisgrax had the following to say,  my comments in orange...

1. There were very few Vampire Counts players, and the ones that were there all played giant hordes of 200+ ghouls/zombies. The strategy was to keep the units filled with invocation of nehek, and use danse to lock the opponent's army in close combat with unbreakable troops. They did well, but the lack of any other builds may mean that this is the only viable strategy they have right now.

This isn't news to people that play 8th Edition at a semi-competitive level.  8th Edition requires you to have useful core units to be successful.  Vampire Counts do not have useful core units.  They have awful ones that require a significant portion of your army to be spent buffing them in order to make them usable.  Sorry, that strategy isn't going to win tournaments unless you play people who are totally terrible.  As far as the 200+ zombie horde, you are begging to lose to Dweller's or Purple Sun.  As in first turn.  You won't be so steadfast/unbreakable when 2/3rds of your horde is gone and then I charge and smash it with my whole army.  If that is the best VC got, they are even worse off than I thought.

2. There were a LOT of Bretonnian players. Despite many people calling them low tier, they seem to be doing quite well, at least at high point levels. I think the lance formation is to thank for that, since it enables them to remove steadfast from most infantry blocks, something that other cavalry units can't easily do.

Brettonians remind me of Dual Land Raider Black Templar lists.  If everything works and my two assault terminator rock units get the charge off 2nd turn against the exact two enemy units I want, things will go very well.  If my opponent figures out a way to stop that, it will get ugly early.  Same for Brettonia.  If their big knight units get the charge off exactly when and where they want it, without getting ruined by shooting or magic, they will do good.  But when they play people who use re-directors, good warmachines, powerful magic, superior maneuverability and so on, they fold.  At the lower levels of 'Ard Boyz I would definitely expect a skilled player with a Brettonian list to do very well, since he can club seals with his triple knight unit rock list.  I do not expect them to dominate the top tables against equally skilled players with good army books, though.  And I believe the results at the finals locations bore that out.

3. Lot of Orc and Goblin players qualified as well. Cheap tarpits + cheap warmachines + great Lords/heroes make the army more viable than I originally thought.

Well well well.  Looks like I am quite the visionary.   You saw that above formula and thought it added up to being bad?  You even left out "best anti-magic army in the game" so I'll forgive you for not putting the puzzle together all the way.  But it is nice to have my opinions vindicated.

4. Lizardmen seem to be getting snubbed in favor of Chaos Warriors (for near invincible blocks of troops) and High Elves (for super wizards). There also don't seem to be any engines or stegadons in any competitive lizardmen lists anymore, at least not at high point levels.  

The Engine and Stegadon thing is not surprising.  Neither is the High Elf thing.  The big toad is nasty, but Teclis is nastier.  If you are going for an 'Ard tournament magic based list, why go with the 2nd best caster?  Do the job right the first time.  What is surprising is Chaos Warriors doing so well.  I'd be interested to see what is successful and how it's being played.  I'd be sure that triple Hellcannons is ubiquitous in all the successful WoC lists, though.

5. Every last High Elves Ard Boyz list I've seen has included Teclis, without exception.

Again, not surprising.  Teclis with Life in a unit of PG with the banner of you can't magic me is almost unkillable.  You could bring a normal archmage to skimp on points and get something 80% as good, but why?  Is the point savings going to open up more tactical doors than Teclis will?  Will the normal archmage be as big a threat to your opponent as Teclis?  No and no.  In a 2000 point game, leave Teclis at home.  In a 3000 point game, there is no excuse not to take him.

 

Tavern Talk: Multiple Armies Part Two

In part one, I detailed how my quest for multiple armies in Warhammer 40,000 ended back where I started with Space Marines.  Regardless of the different types of Marine armies, I only needed one set of minis and got all the variety I could want just by purchasing a different Marine flavor codex.

My Fantasy story is a bit different.  Around the time I started 40k in the early 90's I started Fantasy with a Brettonian army after I was in awe of the Green Knight model.  I never really had an army, since I was a kid and all my hobby dollars went to 40k.  I don't know what actually happened to the Brettonian models I owned.  I bet they are sitting in my dad's house somewhere in storage.

Once I got to high school I got back into Fantasy with a Chaos Army.  My army had a bunch of Knights, a Lord of Juggernaut, a bunch of Bloodletters, and a bunch of Chariots.  I played two games total, I believe.  My LGS closed so I had no where to play, and I went off to college.  I didn't have a lot of extra space in college so I sold the Chaos army to make room and for beer money.  

Evil, baroque armor.  What more could you want?  I dunno, maybe the ability to shoot things?

As I said in a previous post, I started Warriors of Chaos when the new book came out because I liked the idea of an all cavalry army with lots of magic, and I love the Baroque style of the armor and weapons.  It appealed to me aesthetically.  When I was debating which army to get, I was going between the Warriors and Dark Elves, they both appealed to me aesthetically, but I liked the play style of all cavalry and I thought they did that better than DE could.  I did very well competitively with the all cavalry/magic army in 7th Edition, and I was very happy with WoC.

When the 8th Edition rumors started, I realized which was the wind was blowing, plus I had some extra money, so I started putting together a Dark Elves army.  It was almost the exact opposite of my Warriors army.  It was all infantry (with the exception of Hydras) and had tons of shooting.  You can find the lists I like to run on the blog pretty much everywhere.  They couldn't be more different than Warrior in the way they played, and I was very happy about that.  I currently play them quite happily.  

Dark Elves with 5x the variety!

The question that relates to the Tavern Talk topic, why did I try to expand to other armies in 40k but fail, whereas I successfully expanded in Fantasy?  In my mind, the reason it stuck was my initial choice of army.  By choosing Warriors of Chaos, I picked an imbalanced army book.  Unlike Space Marines, WoC can only do a couple of things well, and some things (shooting) they can't really do at all.  I can scratch all my itches within the umbrella of Marine 'dexes.  I cannot come close to doing that with Warriors of Chaos.  So when I expanded to Dark Elves, they offered me something I couldn't get in my original army book.  Xenos 40k armies offered me variety, but I could copy their play style with marines to a great extent.  Dark Elves do things WoC could never even try to replicate.  

Based on these thoughts, my conclusion is that Fantasy by virtue of not having the ubiquitous army like Space Marines lends itself to additional army expansion.  40k, even if you start with a xenos army, is likely to result in at most 2 natural armies: the xenos you started with and the marines you expanded to.  It is a rare player indeed who started with xenos and expanded to other xenos armies eternally avoiding Marines.  Once you expanded to (or start with) Marines, the endless variety within freezes you out of further expansion.

Tavern Talk: Multiple Armies Part One

As I am sure we all know, when one picks up the game of Warhammer it is followed shortly by a choice of army.  This is usually a single army which is then built to make a decent list which will be used a lot.  And then to be followed by an expansion to include a few more options for future games.  However, who stays with a single army?  Once you have played one for a while, does it become boring until you branch out to another?  Or, do you stick to a single army?  There are merits to having one major army and to having a number of smaller ones.  What do have and why?  

Kuffeh over at The Trading Post is bringing up a pretty interesting topic.  I have (and have had) lot's of different armies between 40k and Fantasy, and the results have been very different.  I have some theories how it end up going the way it did.

Way back in the mists of history, in the forgotten times of 1994 I started 2nd Edition Warhammer 40,000 with a Space Marine army.  Nothing unusual about that, since that's how thousands of other players started.  I began by painting them as Imperial Fists, but after getting a few units done, I gave up as painting yellow back then was awful.  I know, I know: painting yellow still sucks.  But back then GW yellow was god awful.  So I made the best decision of my Games Workshop career, I changed them to a black, gray, and silver custom scheme.  Long story short, I've been able to change to vanilla marines, space wolves, blood angels, and black templars whenever the urge to play a different style of army arose.

I've had the urge to play different 40k armies over the years.  I made a small Chaos Space Marine force, but abandoned that because it wasn't different enough of a play-style from the Space Marines.  I got bored fast with them, sold them and was done.

When the Daemon Codex launched I was very interested.  Here you have a close combat army (which I like) that is the polar opposite of Space Marines.  Not to mention, Daemons were fun to paint.  I never got bored of painting since each unit was a different base color, and there were always big monsters to paint.  That said, I had way more fun painting them than I did playing them.  Unless you have 18 Fiends (which I didn't) or played Fatecrusher (which I didn't) chances are you couldn't beat a competitive list.  Daemons became my "fun" army list for Apocalypse games or narrative campaigns.  The big issue, though, was that I don't have a ton of game time per week.  I might get in, at most 3-5 games a week.  And if I played an Apocalypse game it was less than that as they are time consuming.  So I decided that playing 5 competitive playtest games was more fun for me than playing 2 fun games.  So the Daemons went on the shelf, collected dust, and then onto eBay where they sold.

During the height of the Apocalypse gaming time for me, I randomly purchased the stuff to convert a Farseer on Jetbike and big bike Seer Council.  I loved them in Apocalypse.  They could easily kill all the nasty super heavy vehicles and they were tough to kill in return.  Playing them in Apocalypse made me want to start an Eldar army.  So I did.  I enjoyed painting them for the same reasons I enjoyed painting my Daemons.  Every unit a different color and tons of variety.  Plus the vehicles were sleek and also fun to paint.  But, and it's a big but, I didn't magnetize the weapons on my Wave Serpents because I was dumb.  Because of that, I was quite limited in what I could do with the army, especially as the "mass amounts of str6 shots" army hadn't really been developed yet and once it became the be-all, end-all Eldar build and I couldn't do it wsiwyg it bummed me out.  Let's not forget: Eldar suck now.  Even when I was proxying and playing an 'optimized' Eldar list, I would still struggle to beat other people's fun lists from new codices.  So the Eldar are on the shelf collecting dust.  I hope that when their next codex comes out they are super competitive, and I'll be right back on.  Plus I can go buy some more magnets and re-do the weapons on the Serpents.

But enough about my life story.  What does it mean?  Like most people, I want variety and get bored of the same play-style.  So I wandered to different armies, but xenos armies are always so one dimensional that I got bored of them too.  I always come back to Marines, of one flavor or another.  I realized that Marines can accommodate any style.  I can play a close combat oriented army, or I can play shooty, or I can play Drop Pod, or I can play bikes, or Rhino rush, or Razorback Rush, or BA jump packs.  With the same set of minis I can play nearly every play-style within the game system.  Once I realized that I can get all the variety I want in one package my urge to play other armies has evaporated.  Until I have all the models I need to play any conceivable Marine army, there is no sense in going outside that box to try a different 40k army.

It never got better than this.

Now Fantasy, that is a different story...  to be continued.

Black Templars @ 1.5k

Continuing on my 40k revival, I've been thinking about Templars at all different point levels.  I know people think they only 'work' at 2,000 points and fail at 2500 and 1500.  I might even agree with those people to an extent.  With that in mind, here is a 1500 list with my unit choices and general game plan.

HQ:

Reclusiarch                                         240

-5x Command Squad

-2x Meltagun

-Drop Pod

Emperor's Champion                          140

-AAC

Why did I go with a Chaplain rather than a cheaper character?  This army has a more assaulty feel to it and I wanted a character with a power weapon.  Simply put, it was a better value to buy a Reclusiarch than it was to buy a Castellan with the same upgrades.   The command squad is the only double melta in the force so they obviously play an important role.  As this list does plan on being in assaults, Accept Any Challenge is the best vow for them.

Troops:

10x Crusader Squad                           215

-Meltagun

-Powerfist

-Drop Pod

10x Crusader Squad                           215

-Meltagun

-Powerfist

-Drop Pod

9x Crusader Squad                              199

-Meltagun

-Powerfist

-Drop Pod

Meltaguns and drop pods go together like peanut butter and chocolate.  It just works.  Since there will be assaults, we have to include powerfists in each squad. 

Elites:

Dreadnought                                        175

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

-Venerable

-Tank Hunter

-Drop Pod

Dreadnought                                        155

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

-Drop Pod

Dreadnought                                        155

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

-Drop Pod

Triple dreads in drop pods!  These are the heavy hitters in the list.  If they come in early, the multimeltas smash vehicles, if they come in late the heavy flamer roasts infantry.  Plus, ya know, they have 2 strength 10 attacks  with re-rolls to hit so they won't get bogged down in combat as often as normal dreads. 

Total: 1,496

That's it.  No long range anti-tank so that's one scary thing to think about.  But since the BT still have the old drop pod rules, your opponent can't play reserves denial and make your guys drop in out of position so the need to long range AT is lessened.  Space Wolves, at this point level anyway, do this style of list better since they have counter-charge. and double melta in all their squads  Most times you will drop in, pop a transport and get assaulted by the contents.  That gives the Wolves a big advantage.  

But the BT have some advantages of their own.  As I said, they have the old drop pod rules.  Your opponent can and will play reserve denial to shut down a pure drop pod Wolves list, but can't do that against this.

What do you think?

Death and Taxes. Mostly Taxes, Actually

Hello friends.  In my real life I am an Enrolled Agent.  I represent taxpayers before the IRS in collections and audit issues.  I also assist my clients in tax preparation and corporate structuring and accounting in order to minimize their tax exposure.

By this point, you're saying, "who cares about you?!  Give me Dark Elf strategy!"

First, fuck off.  

Second, I'm going to give you the tools to save thousands of dollars a year so give it a shot, and pay attention.

I want to preface this advice with a few statements.  Foremost, this only applies to people who do painting or modeling for money.  I am a shitty to average painter, but I still make around $500 to $1000 a year in commissions, so I know a lot of you out there are making some serious bank.    And I know equally as much that you aren't reporting the income from it on your taxes.  Mostly because you think that it will cost you more money on your tax bill.  My response is, I have to advise you that not reporting the income is against the law and while unlikely, you could get into very serious trouble for not reporting it.  Also, you are LOSING money by not reporting it, and this essay will explain how later.  So like I said, this only applies to commission painters or modelers.  

The next statement I want to make is that this requires discipline, dedication, and basic accounting skills.  If you are not capable of these things (and based on the waistlines of many hobbyists I know you have zero discipline) you are only going to get yourself into trouble and waste money by trying this.  For those of you who have the ability to do this, read on!

1.  Go to your state's Secretary of State Website and go to the corporate registration.  It is important that your new painting business is a corporation rather than a sole proprietorship.  A sole proprietorship that doesn't turn a profit for a few years in a row is considered a hobby, and expenses are not deductible.  A corporation does not have this major limitation.  Creating a new corporation is very easy.  You pay around $150 and fill out the Articles of Incorporation, wait 6 weeks to get your corporate charter and you're in business!

2.  After you get your corporate charter, you go to the IRS website and apply for an Employer Identification Number.  You aren't going to have any employees, but this will give you the identification number you need to open a corporate bank account and file a corporate tax return.  The second thing you have to do is file IRS Form 2553, Entity Classification.  This is where you will tell the IRS that your corporation is an S-Corp.  Trying not to be technical, this is generally tax beneficial to small corporations and makes your returns at the end of the year immensely less complicated.

3.  With your corporate character and EIN in hand, go to your bank of choice and open a free business checking account.  It is absolutely imperative that from this point forward, all your purchases relating to the hobby are conducted through this account.  You must either write a check or use the debit card to pay for everything in order to ensure proper accounting.  Additionally, any income you earn from painting or modeling must be deposited into this account.

4.  Expenses.  This is the bread and butter.  Make business cards first thing.  Are you attending a Golden Daemon contest?  Your airfare, hotel, 1/2 of meals, entry fee, etc. are all deductible expenses.  Attending a painting contest is advertising, and a legitimate business expense.  Thus, the costs are legitimately deductible.  Your nicely painted personal army at any tournament is an advertisement for your business (so long as you bring business cards), so the costs to attend NOVAopen or BOLScon are deductible.  So is the cost of the miniatures, and the paint and the green stuff.  Did you have to buy a new brush set and a full line of GW paints, and a full modeling tool set?  Deductible.  So you can see the expenses are going to add up.  They will almost certainly add up faster than your income.  If you have to deposit personal money into the corporate account to pay your expenses that is OK, in fact, that is what you want.  Without getting too technical, when you give personal money to a corporate capital account, you are increasing your basis in the corporation, which is a good thing to have when the corporation is going to lose money, as I will explain below.

5.  Filing your returns at the end of the year.  Here is a hint that H and R Block don't want you to know: filing tax returns is easy.  For most people, you can prepare your returns in way under and hour.  Your corporation will file an 1120S Federal Corporate Tax Return and a State Corporate Income Tax Return.  All the income from the business (and there has to be some income or else this whole exercise is fraudulent and you are committing tax evasion and you will go to Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison) is declare.  This will be easy to determine.  Get your corporate bank statements for the whole year, and any deposit that is money coming from a paying client or transferred from your Paypal Account should be totaled up and put down for gross income.  Your expenses should be easy to track as well.  Any money being spent out of the corporate account is an expense and should be placed into the proper category.  If you bought a $3 can of primer at Walmart, that will go under "supplies."  If you bought a $90 GW battleforce, that will go under "materials."  It helps to use Quickbooks every month to keep track of what category is what, but if you can't commit to that you can at least keep an excel spreadsheet breaking everything down.

6.  Your corporation showed a loss.  Surprise, surprise.  The corporation will issue you a K-1 statement and send a copy of the K-1 to the Internal Revenue Service and state taxing authority, which is sorta like a W-2 but for S-corp owners or partnership members.  This will show that you lost a certain amount of money.  When you file out your IRS form 1040, individual tax return you will file out Schedule E, and report the loss on Line 17.  This loss will lower your adjusted gross income.  Which will lower your tax rate.  Which will lower your tax bill.  Which will get you a bigger refund.  

So what did we accomplish?  Basically, your hobby became a legitimate business that lost money, and the money you lost on this business is money you don't have to pay taxes on.  So let's say you spent $3,000, on GW related minis, paints, tournament attendance/travel, modeling tools etc, and made $500 off commissions.  We will also assume you're in the 25% tax bracket.  You just got a $625 larger tax refund.  So that works out to a 21% discount on your GW related purchases for the year.  Not bad.  This will take a half-dozen hours of your time per year in accounting and preparing your returns.  It will also cost you around $100 to re-register your corporation every year with the state.  Whether all this is worth your time depends on how much you spend on GW stuff, and how much you spend on attending tournaments you have to travel to.  Some people may say that to save $500 or so isn't worth the effort, and that's totally understandable.  But if it is worth your effort, by all means go for it. 

If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to answer them.

Black Templars @ 2k

Since I'm wrapping up my Dark Elf modeling this week when I paint the last few Reaper Bolt Throwers, my projects will switch back to 40k and my Black Templars.  I have 3 Razorbacks to assemble and paint, and I have the magnets ready to go to switch them around as needed between Rhinos and Razorbacks as needed.  I haven't modeled much with rare earth magnets so this should be fun.

Since my modeling thoughts are turning towards 40k, so have my list building thoughts.  To that end, I thought I'd put up a 2k list I've been brain storming.  It does all the things I want a mech marine list to do well: mobile melta, long range firepower, lots of armor, and a decent close combat element.  My comments after each section.

HQ:

Emperor's Champion with AAC                        140

A lot of people might go with Abhor the Witch in this kind of list, but I don't see Abhor opening up any tactical options for me.  AAC does give me decent close combat ability, so it is what it is.

Castellan                                                          253

-Dual Lightning Claws

-5x Command Squad

-2x Meltagun

-Rhino with Extra Armor and Smoke Launchers

-Frag Grenades

Castellan                                                          253

-Dual Lightning Claws

-5x Command Squad

-2x Meltagun

-Rhino with Extra Armor and Smoke Launchers

-Frag Grenades

These units give me a lot of versatility.  I get a close combat punch since my Castellan gets 5 attacks on the charge with re-rolls to hit and wound, and then 13 regular str4 attacks on the charge from the command squad.  I wanted to fit Furious Charge on them but I just didn't have the points and it might begin to verge on becoming a point sink.  Like I said from my 'Ard Boyz semis experience, I won't ever play a firepower list that doesn't have a close combat element, and these do it nicely.  They also give me a mobile dual melta bunker in tough to kill Rhino with the old Smoke Launcher rule and dirt cheap Extra Armor.  Lastly, I get army-wide Leadership 9, which is nothing to sneeze at since Templars don't get Sergeants and they have to test to shoot at something other than the closest enemy.

Troops

5x Crusader Squad                                 186

-Missile Launcher

-Plasma Gun

-Razorback with TLLC

-Bolt Pistol/Close Combat Weapons

5x Crusader Squad                                 186

-Missile Launcher

-Plasma Gun

-Razorback with TLLC

-Bolt Pistol/Close Combat Weapons

5x Crusader Squad                                 186

-Missile Launcher

-Plasma Gun

-Razorback with TLLC

-Bolt Pistol/Close Combat Weapons

5x Crusader Squad                                 186

-Missile Launcher

-Plasma Gun

-Razorback with TLLC

-Bolt Pistol/Close Combat Weapons

I went with missile launchers on my now standard troop configuration in order to save points and also to possibly give me some duality as the force needs all the help it can get against hordes.

Fast Attack

Landspeeder                                          75

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

Landspeeder                                          75

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

Landspeeder                                          75

-Multimelta

-Heavy Flamer

The uses of Landspeeders are many.  Good anti-horde, good Land Raider Blocking/killing ability, ability to Deepstrikeand blast vulnerable targets.  They add a much needed mobile melta element to the list and also 3 very valuable heavy flamers.

Heavy Support

Predator Destructor                                125

-Lascannon Sponsons

Predator Destructor                                125

-Lascannon Sponsons

Predator Destructor                                125

-Lascannon Sponsons

Total: 1990

A finely tuned Razorwolf list, this is not.  But it isn't bad for an ancient codex.  There is still some mileage left in the BT.  It has 9 Rhino chassis, so it's by no means light on mech.  And it has just as many heavy weapons as most Wolf/Vanilla firepower lists.  And it has a decent close combat element.  The EC can hang back with a Razorback squad as a countercharge element if someone infiltrates or rushes up somehow.  I'm worried it is a little weak against hordes.  I know a list with 15 Long Fangs has a lot of frag missiles to do the job, but I just have no way to replicate that with this codex.  As far as the last 10 points goes, I know I could give Frags or something to 2 of the Crusader squads which is what I'd do if I was playing in a tourney, but I thought I'd leave them off in case anyone sees a good use for them.

Anyone see any glaring errors or omissions?  Tweaks?  

Today In Awful Warseer Tactics Part 7

Welcome back to the fun series where someone asks an innocent question of the Warseer herd, and gets a couple dozen horrible answers in response.  Today, the question is how a noob's Chaos Space Marines can compete with close combat oriented loyalist Marines, and Black Templars in specific.  If there is one 40k army I can speak about with some authority it is Black Templars.  Onto the madness...

Vuuil:  Anyway, it ends up i'm facing a black templar army, or space wolves.  Problem beeing, i have an awful lot of 'basic' troops, but not so much punch to send, say, terminators, in hell.  I have at my disposal (I don't list an exact army list, as we don't strictly play wysiwyg, i always can tool around)... :

-Terminator sorcerer w/ Mark of Tzeentch, warp time, bolt of change
-5 dual LC chosen w/ mark of Slaanesh (as i'm often fighting marines with i4), i was hoping to use as a beacon for oblis / terminators if i could grab a few
-10 smc w/ 2 meltas
-2x 10 khorne zerkers, 1 rhino to carry em around
-5 raptors decked w/ 2x flamers, or more likely meltaguns
-5 plague marines

My problem lies in defeating terminators...  The BT army i face often carries a venerable dread (or 2, depending on points) loaded with either plasma or assault cannon, a Crusader LR carrying a dual LC assault terminators squad (or on foot, depending on points again), a 'normal' 5x terminator squad with terminator captain, 2x 5sm to fill his troop reqs, and an emperor's champion somewhere to benefit from his to hit rerolls.

(No need to explain the pain of his assault terminators clawing their way after a furious charge through my army, rerolling hit and wound, i believe)

So, my problem is...  What would be an efficient way to boost up my army ?  By the way, we're doing 1k - 1.5k battles mostly.

_________________________________________________

The Easy Answer is: bring Plague Marines for your troops.  BT Crusader squads cannot beat Plague Marines in close combat.  Neither can Grey Hunters nor BA Assault Squads, even with a FNP/FC bubble.  

The key to playing an effective close combat army is having your troops be able to beat the opposition's elite units in close combat.  If your basic troops aren't good enough at CC to kill the enemy's basic troops, how good of a CC army are you in the first place?  The answer is not very.   As I said earlier, Crusader Squads cannot kill Plague Marines in close combat.  That means his rock unit of Lightning Claw terminators are forced to kill your troops rather than the elites they want to be killing.  Once that shift begins, you are a long way towards winning the battle.

Second, you only have 1 Rhino.  I know you're new to the game, but I'll say this for emphasis: your troops need to be fully meched up.  His close combat troops won't be doing much if you are still tucked safely in your Rhinos, shooting two meltaguns per turn.

Third, close combat armies have to voluntarily leave their transports in order to, ya know, close combat things.  Things outside of transports can be Lash of Submissioned.  Things that get Lashed tend to die.  At 1,500 points your HQ should probably be a Lash Sorcerer who is Lashing BT Terminators from the safety of a Rhino so that your Dual Lightning Claw Slaanesh Chosen can rip them apart on the charge.

So now that you have the correct answer, let's see what bad advice the Warseer dumplings have for you...

Erwos:  Obliterators are your best bet. They shred terminators like nothing else with their plasma cannons. 

No.  No.  No.  Obliterators are great against BT terminators.  They aren't great against BA, Vanilla, or SW.  Obliterators are a good all around choice, but for different reasons.  They are reliable anti-tank in a list that is sorely lacking it.  But they shouldn't be on Anti-Terminator patrol as a point of interest.

Aiwass: In other hand, if the termies are not TH/SS just assault them with berzerkers.

On the other hand, you're an idiot.  How do you suppose your Berserkers in a Rhino will reliably get the charge off against assault Terminators who are usually in a Land Raider Crusader?  Pro tip: they won't.  2/3rd of the time it will be the Terminators charging the Berserkers.  You know what happens then?  Yup, you guessed it: the Berserkers die a horrible death.

Volandum:  Lash/Obliterator seems optimal, so I'd suggest a Slaaneshi Sorc (as you already have MkS in your list). Probably drop your Berzerker rhino squad to 9 so he can join them in the rhino. Then you need to break Raiders so you can get at the Terminators, your options here include melta Raptors or just mechanising your other melta squads to increase how far away you can melt vehicles.

As usual, we get the right answer tucked away, unnoticed, in the middle of the madness.  I would put the Slaanesh sorcerer in the Rhino with the DLC Chosen, but that's just me.  Either way, you win the thread.  If you've been reading these though, you will know that it never ends when the right answer is given...

Vexbane:  another tactic you can use is to kill his troop choices. With only the very minimal you can make it so he cannot win any objective games by killing his troops.

Astonishingly dumb.  Seriously, I cannot believe that you are able to survive on your own in the real world without some kind of service dog to guide you.  Who would have thought that you can win objective missions by killing the opponent's troops?  These are the metagame shattering tactics that you can only get on Warseer.

And with that, the thread, and my sanity come to an end.  Luckily this was brief, I'm not sure how much more I could take.